Losing focus . . . it is the first sign of change for the worse. It means that I am either stepping up from hypomania into irritable disorientation and rage; or slipping down into useless depression. It doesn’t take me long to figure out which. And the feeling of losing focus, which I’ve been lost in among the ravages of paralyzing depression, is a terrible thing. So, since it is my current condition, I will try to be mindful and describe the feeling.
Losing focus is trying to grasp a tendril of smoke that wasn’t smoke before. It’s anxiety producing.
It feels like . . . hmm.
Searching among fragmented paths for a way home
Fermented clouds soaking the brain
Plucking at harpstrings of dry wool
Bird bashing head against green-glass walls, while frenetic wings continue flapping
Slinky nooses around a mind of gleaming burlap in the night
My head hacked on, off, and into. . .
So . . .
If I were focused, I could make poems of these. I wish I were. I am trying to get there.
Siege of the Spirit 